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There is a reason we have disabled the Linked In function that shows us who looks at our profile and lets other people see when we check on theirs: because we are checking up on one another more than we are comfortable admitting to the public or to ourselves. Nobody forced you to make a secret Instagram account, befriend her, and screen cap all of her pictures. We're conditioned to be jealous of women who come before and after us; we give them special powers and invent mythology to support how they are clearly inferior to us while harboring a fear that they are better than us in every measurable way. The objects of our jealousy are almost always like an alternate-universe version of ourselves: They have something we could have, if only they didn't get to it first.
Somewhere out there, there is another woman who has been naked with some of the same men you've been naked with, and you know more about her than you should. I pined over my boyfriends' exes more than they did, certain there was some quality they all had that would always make them bewitching and irresistible, sirens who could call my boyfriend away from me at any moment. I didn't think, ever, that any of my exes' girlfriends were furiously Googling me, though I was courteous enough to leave them a healthy digital bread crumb trail of abandoned blogs and narcissistic Tumblr accounts filled with terrible writing and artistic photography to make it worth their while, just in case. We don't get jealous — really, truly, Google jealous — of people like Beyoncé or Gwyneth Paltrow.
She might turn out to be someone who will surprise you and your husband with care packages in the mail and help send you on a belated honeymoon when his brain tumor comes back. But it happened to me, because that's the kind of friend Karen is.
The point is, you'll find the object of your Grinch-like obsession is someone who is probably Googling you as much as you Google her, because at heart we are all just scared, insecure little humans wrapped up in Forever 21 outfits. I have a long-distance friendship with a woman I love and cherish across many years and miles.
For his part, Jacob spent the entire meal sweating and laughing politely while Karen and I got right down to business and started to fall in love.
had recently risen to the peak of its popularity, taking with it all my expectations for romantic love. When a mutual friend of ours mentioned that Jacob was seeing someone, I pretended to be very happy for him and not at all self-conscious about the amount of time I spent on the couch with my roommates watching .